Divorce is just a word but most people don’t like to hear it or read about it. It isn’t a happy word and it seems to offend people and cause upset.
Many people feel saddened by what divorce actually represents – the legal break-up of a union; the separation of a family – but sometimes it’s the only option. Good Divorce Attorneys will actually check with you that every possible avenue has been explored that could save the marriage, prior to commencement on divorce proceedings
The reality is that after everything else has been tried and failed, divorce is usually the best answer to a bad situation. Sometimes you have to go through divorce in order to save the people involved in the marriage and the family.
Rather cut your losses and move on than stay with someone who doesn’t love you. They may want you to remain with them because they find it convenient but they won’t put you first in their lives, and if you continue to stay with them, you won’t be putting yourself first in your life either!
Divorce draws more than its fair share of nay sayers. They hate Divorce Attorneys and Family Lawyers, they hate what divorce stands for and they hate the people that get divorced. Do they also hate:
Oncologists and their cancer patients because they help them fight against this destroying disease?
Surgeons and the sick people they save by operating on them?
Undertakers and Funeral Directors who help the grieving and their families deal with death in a civilised and respectful way?
The Police who constantly deal with crime and corruption to help individuals, communities and entire cities stay safe?
Pastors of the Church because they help sinners and people who are faint of heart or sick of Spirit?
Haters Always Hate
Haters will always hate – not based on a foundation of knowledge of the situation – but to gain social platform or from misplaced arrogance. They are the ones that no-one else listens to except other haters also trying to get noticed somehow at someone else’s expense.
Other people’s opinions should have no bearing whatsoever in the midst of the pain and suffering that you and the children are enduring. Gone are the days of ‘what will the neighbours say?’; today’s neighbours are too busy getting on with their own lives to notice what you do; also, in case you haven’t noticed, in this world of hi tech sociality your neighbours are global and either trying to obtain their own divorces or criticise some Hollywood couple for not having divorced sooner!
Don’t stay together for the sake of the children. No matter how young they are, the children will always sense a contrived or forced situation and respond negatively to your emotions of sadness and pain that are surrounding them. They will learn to settle for second best, to put themselves down, to be unhappy for most of their lives and you will be teaching them that by example. Not really what anyone wants to inflict on their children!
If you’re in an abusive relationship and are tolerating the abuse for the ‘sake of the kids’ then the message you’re sending to your kids is that it’s OK to bully and be bullied; or to use physical violence and be at the receiving end; it’s OK to be belittled. Although you wouldn’t want them to ever have to endure such a situation, by example, you’re teaching not to listen to what you say, but rather do what you do. Can you imagine their pain and guilt when they see you suffering?
Divorce itself handled well doesn’t scar children - but bad marriages do. Being used as pawns; following the worst examples; being used as messengers and go-betweens; being fought over; not being fought over; being blamed; being ignored; being resented; being made to feel all of the above; being made to feel scared, insecure, responsible, guilty – these are just a few of the emotions that impact from a bad marriage, and no child should ever have to experience anything like that!
Specialist Divorce and Family Law Attorneys understand this and where there are children, their wellbeing and futures are of prime concern.
Many people are fortunate and blessed with a long and happy marriage that withstands all the tests of time and life on earth. If only we could all have that. We wish it for everyone but in real life it isn’t the case. Those who aren’t so fortunate and don’t get it right the first time should always have a second chance – everyone deserves that.
If you made a wrong turn and your marriage causes you concern and unhappiness, then have the wisdom to acknowledge it as soon as you can, then have the strength to call it quits and end it before you develop a sad and gloomy interdependence on each other. If there are no children involved, be glad and divide now.
If you’ve considered divorce, spoken the word out loud, or even done a little research on websites whilst muttering the word under your breathe as you acquaint yourself with some divorce facts, then you’re already in suffering and in pain in your own marriage. You’re also probably wondering ‘what people will think’ and wincing from imagined discomfort at the actual proceedings.
Strange then that:
The discomfort of divorce is nothing compared to the pain you’re undergoing now
The length of divorce is a tiny space on the clock face compared to the years and decades you endure the sorrow and anguish of a bad marriage
The expense of a divorce depends entirely on how quickly the two Spouses can reach a Settlement Agreement. It is an investment in your own and your children’s’ futures. The expense of a bad sad marriage will cost you highly and dearly in every way and you will bankrupt yourself and your children emotionally, maybe physically, financially and in social standing, you’ll be stripped bare of self-esteem and self-confidence, and fun and pleasure will be echoes of some distant yesterday.
In Other Words
Perhaps we should look at a few other words related to divorce:
Reborn - into a new and happy life
Healed - from an addiction to a crippling situation
Protected - from threatening and abusive circumstances
In Limbo - before, during and immediately after divorce
Saved – from the hell of a miserable marriage to the heaven of a safe, single second chance
So divorce is just a word with bad connotations created by public opinion, but the action of divorce is so necessary and so restorative in so many positive ways that maybe haters should turn their attention to those words that cause divorce to be necessary: abuse, violence, cheating, lying, etc.
For those of you who want that second chance and need help getting there, we at Martin Vermaak Attorneys are ready to hear you and give you the legal helping hand you need.
Call us when you’re ready