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Family Law Services

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No More Divorce Guilt

Why do we feel guilt when we divorce?

Why do we feel guilt when we think or talk about our impending divorce or one that’s just happened?

Have you ever sat down and thought about why and how the guilt creeps in whenever divorce makes an appearance?

Let’s discuss what causes this…..

You feel you’ve failed

You feel you did something wrong

You made a bad choice

You ruined your children’s lives

You should be punished for it

You certainly should never again feel happy

You should spend the rest of your life feeling remorse

You destroyed other people’s lives and should pay the penalty for it

You need to atone for your mistake

Why?

You’re human. It’s human to make mistakes. You’re not the only one who made the mistake – your Spouse also slipped up. By the way, what was the mistake you made? Making a poor choice of partner? How do you know that? Maybe it was the right choice at the time but now things have changed.

So, you didn’t fail you just changed you mind. You didn’t make a bad choice you just would choose differently now. You haven’t ruined your children’s lives but you might if you continue to stay married.

You’ve already both been punished by the pain you’ve suffered before realising your marriage is no longer working.

How do you know it’s your guilt to have? There’s more than one person in a marriage; it may belong to someone else and you’re taking their guilt – that’s not good; let go of the guilt.

You deserve to feel happy again, and you should, as soon as possible. You should make a point of finding you best happiest life after you finish the divorce. Feeling remorse, regret and sorrow will be an automatic thing for a while, however, you will have felt most of this before you decided to divorce.

You did not destroy other people’s lives before the marriage failed and there’s no reason why paying any form of penalty would improve anyone’s situation. It would simply make matters worse.

Who says you made a mistake? How can you be judged by your fellow man – that requires a higher power.  What atonement? The best way of atoning is to be the happiest you’ve ever been and strive to keep that standard of happiness that it may be infectious enough to spread out to others. Do not be judged – be joyous!

If you can take all negative things and turn them into the positive then you’re making yourself and a lot of people happy which keeps you healthy and helps you live longer.

Enough of the gloom, misery loves company. Put a smile on your face and the faces of everyone around you….and just keep on smiling regardless. Maybe that’s the ultimate forfeit – exchanging glow for gloom. Refuse to let yourself be sad. Get that divorce over and get on with the rest and happiest part of your life.

Call Martin Vermaak Attorneys at 011 875 4311 – we believe in second chances, and so should you!