Your Divorce is Two Years Overdue
Most of us should have been divorced at least two years before we actually get to do it. What is the reason for the delay? In most cases it is pure and simple FEAR! We are scared of even thinking about life after Divorce….in fact we are really good at convincing ourselves that there probably isn’t any way of surviving the big D. We regress into thinking that the earth is flat and we’re about to sail off the edge into eternal hell, fire and a few other bad things…and apparently, this is a perfectly normal reaction.
Fear is the Delaying Factor
Fear then, is the major obstacle in any divorce. Fear of the unknown. We imagine that there are lots of ‘unknowns’ lurking round dark corners waiting to jump out in front of us; and huddling together in the shadows, hastening to creep up behind us and take us by surprise.
This all adds to our stress and despair overload. It makes us feel victimised, alone, misunderstood and, worst of all – conspicuous! If we don’t learn to deal with these fears, eventually we not only put off your divorce; you put off your life! You stop being healthy – physically, mentally and emotionally. You lose any joy you ever had of being alive! Is it worth it?
Already, we’ve had lots of experience with Fear. The fear of failure; financial loss; rejection; loss; injury; heights; spiders; illnesses; death, and many other situations and phobias; is perfectly normal. So why do we think the fear of Divorce and No Life Thereafter is different?
Probably, as a result of our divorce, we are frightened that we will have to tick several of the above fear boxes, i.e. failure; financial loss; rejection; and loss and several others. Because Divorce equates losing something and we think we might never be able to regain.
When we feel like this – and we all do at some stage - it’s a good idea to write it down. Make a list of each fear that is being experienced. You’ll be surprised at how much better that makes you feel; and at how much easier it will be for you to deal with those fears.
Loss of Control
Sometimes the thought of going through the divorce process makes you feel as if you have lost all control over your life. This, however, is just an illusion. If you have chosen to have a DIY divorce then you are clearly in control. If you chose to instruct an Attorney to handle your divorce for you, then chose a Divorce and Family Law Specialist Attorney. If you tell your Attorney that you fear losing control, then they will include you in all the various stages of divorce and make you feel like part of the team.
Possibly the biggest fear of all for both spouses is that of financial insecurity. Alas, when divorce strikes, the same income must now support two households and often gets stretched to breaking point. Usually, the wife feels she will be ‘hung out to dry’ and not be able to provide sufficiently well for herself, so she often uses the children as pawns because of this fear. The husband feels he will be ‘taken to the cleaners’, lose most of his income in maintenance and still not be allowed to see his children if his ex wife decides to use them as bargaining tools. Inevitably both divorcing spouses could well face a considerably lowered standard of living.
Next in popularity is the fear of rejection. Certainly one spouse feels that they have been rejected by the one person who knew them better than anyone else alive. Their constant and overriding worry is that no one will ever love, understand or accept them again.
Knowledge is the antidote to fear. Once you know the answers there cannot be anymore unknowns to frighten you. When you know the facts then you cannot fear them. This website is a mind of information. Ready it, study it, phone the people and ask questions about Divorce and all that lies ahead. None of this costs you any money and you will find it of great benefit.
We Are the Experts
We’ve had years of experience in the Divorce and Family Law business. We engage in extensive research on the matter of what you need to know so that you can deal deftly with your Divorce and move forward into a healthy Starting Over phase.
Because you probably have no experience in Divorce, and probably little factual knowledge; rather than leave you to the mercy of Old Wives Tales from the last century, we are here to help you.
We are your source of enlightenment and will supply you with facts, stories of others’ experiences, and all the reassurance in the world. If you then remain ignorant and afraid, it will be because you are not yet ready to step out of the shadow of fear and failure into the sunlight of self confidence and success. Just remember a saying from the late Eleanor Roosevelt who said – nothing to fear but fear itself.