Logo
Family Law Services

Take the next step to resolving your legal concerns by calling us on 011 875-4311 or by Booking a Consultation and we will be in touch

No Sex With The Ex

No Sex With The Ex

No Sex With The Ex

Failed Divorce = Reunite?
Now youre divorced beware of this trap whereby when either or both of you find being a single is a bit of an uphill battle, you are tempted to reunite. Especially in the beginning, one or both of you will have difficulty with the single life and thats when youll start remembering all the good parts of your marriage and comparing it with how youre are doing as a single.

 

You could well decide you would be better off if you were back together. Sometimes youll try it one more time (or even up to 3 or 4 times). Then you might start remembering why it was you parted in the first place and realising how it gets a little worse each time things fall apart.

When a relationship first starts to go bad it could be because the sex has become poor, bad, or nonexistent. Oftentimes, sex is the barometer of the relationship. Some say, well I got out of the relationship because the sex just wasnt any good anymore. Actually, the sex wasnt any good anymore because something else had gone bad and there were resentments, loss of respect, and other negative emotions that had started to be factored into the equation.

Ex Communicate Your Ex Except for Necessity
If you have children you will need to see each other. A good idea would be to set up an agency of when you must meet picking up and dropping off; discuss only what is necessary; try doing this in a neutral place like a restaurant or a park; take a friend with you if you cant control yourself; conduct the whole proceedings like a business meeting.

If your Ex calls you on the phone, dont discuss the past or anything else except the business in hand namely the children or the divorce settlement. Try to detach yourself from all emotion and just let go of whatever there is or was of the relationship. Obviously you want to keep things as pleasant as possible but, you dont have to put up with emotional blackmail and you probably wont develop a good friendship so dont even try.

No Sex With The Ex
Once youre apart for a while, you forget all the bad things and all the good memories start flooding back. This is usually when you get together for sex, thinking it will be terrific again. This could be true as you are probably both sexually deprived. You think its all OK because youre satisfying a need in each other, and its virtually legal. And thats how you start fooling yourself all over again. So you try to forget all those other differences and think about and discuss getting back together.

However, once you actually try reuniting, all the old problems creep out of the woodwork, the negatives and resentment build up again, the sex becomes no good again, and you split up again. You cant have sex with the Ex and expect that to make it all better again: - especially if you relationship wasnt entirely built on the sex. If it was all about sex that it was never going to last anyway.

A final word on this subject having sex with your Ex stops you from getting on with your new single life.  It means that you are divorced legally but not physically or emotionally so what was the point?

Drug Addictions Taper Off or Cold Turkey?
Whats the difference between a drug addiction and a marriage when it comes to termination? To taper off and gradually reduce only prolongs the agony. So although it will hurt like hell, its better to go cold turkey, get through those devilish withdrawal symptoms and start the healing process a lot sooner. Its difficult, its painful and it requires immense willpower but, in the long run, youll be better for it. Once you are no longer dependent on the drug you can really live again!

Hands Off Its Over
Its dead: youve buried it: why seek to be haunted? It nearly killed you in the process and it certainly aged you well before your time. Now youre trying to get down into the grave with it because you dont think you can do better? Youve been listening to the wrong people whove all had a personal angle when advising you. 

Its time to listen to neutral people. People whove been there, done that - and very successfully. They have good news for you. They will tell you that theres a new and much better life awaiting you. All you have to do is let go of the past, take hold of some courage and walk through the door to your future.

Your Divorce was Probably Several Years Overdue
Separation and divorce mean just that: a parting; a disconnection. So please part and disconnect: and excommunicate the Ex. Then take you whole heart and a leap of faith into your new life.