Angie’s Story

We’d been married just over a year when I noticed how weak he was. His mother visited us most weekends: pitched for lunch and stayed for supper. I hated every minute of it. Those hours passed slowly for me. She sat next to my husband and fussed over him like he was a little boy. Touching his hair or his shoulder, she gazed at him fondly when she spoke. It was my Mikey is great at this and my Mikey was always good at that. She sang his praises as though he was still a small child and he didn’t get cross or try to stop her.  Mike seemed to put her first. Her opinion was more important than mine. When she spoke we had to shut up and listen. It drove me mad.

Her constant criticising made me ill. She wanted to take me to her hair stylist to get a better shape for my hair – like my style wasn’t good enough. Then she said she’d take me shopping to help me choose clothes that would be better for my figure – like my wardrobe wasn’t good enough. My cooking – or lack thereof – brought criticism:  I should try cooking more often instead of getting take outs. She said maybe I was used to it but Mike got sick when he ate too much junk food.  She also suggested I should listen more to Mike and not talk so much! Mike was kind and supportive towards her, saying she’d been very lonely since his Dad died over 10 years ago and we should try to spend time with her. Whenever she needed money she came to us - not her married daughters.

We had money – well Mike had. His Dad had been a wealthy businessman. He set up Trust Funds for the children and his will was huge. Mike would never be short of money, yet I begrudged him spending any of it on his Mother. She smoked, drank, dressed expensively and enjoyed a busy social life which cost more than she had. Her house was paid for but I didn’t think she should be allowed to indulge herself so fully. Mike said she should enjoy her golden years, so he kept helping her and pointing out to me that it was his money to do with as he liked. Eventually Mike started visiting her at her place and I refused to go with him. He was upset about it but right then I knew I had the upper hand and I warned him if he didn’t get his head right I’d go to Divorce Lawyers. About there we started drifting apart

He had a top job with status but he could have had more. I told him to go for advancement. Then I realised another of his shortcomings – he wouldn’t stand up for himself in the Company. No matter how hard I pushed him he did nothing saying that he enjoyed his job. So we fought at lot about that. He said he had enough money and power to do as he liked and I shouldn’t complain as I wasn’t working; we drifted even further apart. I told him he would regret threatening me and if he did it again I’d go to the Attorneys for divorce proceedings.

Even the neighbours walked all over him. One of them had a dog that got into our garden, destroyed plants, dug holes and used it as its personal toilet. Another had children who regularly kicked their ball over one of our walls. Others had frequent parties with loud music until the early hours of the morning. What did Mike do? He patted the dog and filled in the holes; kicked the ball back over the wall to the kids and waved to them; and sang to some of the music the neighbours played before taking a sleeping pill and going to bed. What a wimp!

We kept fighting over the fact that he was content to just enjoy his life and I wanted more. I realised that I started all the fights but decided that was his fault because he didn’t seem to care about our future. He said he just wanted us to be happy. He was a quiet person but friendly and helpful and he had more friends than me. His friends thought he was a great guy. Even my few friends seemed to like him more than me.  I hated him because of this. I didn’t understand how people could like him so much when he was nothing and I was a go-getter trying to be a big success yet they didn’t like me.

Mike tried quite a few times to sit down and talk with me but I told him he was a loser; I said he was a boring failure and again I threatened him with divorce. I didn’t mean it of course, I just wanted him to wake up and do something important. I don’t remember how many times I threatened him with divorce but it must have been a lot.

One day I got divorce papers – just like that! What a shock! How could he not want to be married to me – I was a catch and he had nothing – except a stack of money!

He’d consulted with Martin Vermaak Attorneys who have a specialist team of divorce and family law Attorneys. They must have told him that even he had rights. I laughed in his face and warned him that he’d be nothing without me. I even went with him to see his Attorneys and that’s when I caught a fright. They were very pleasant to me and quite helpful when I asked questions, but you could see right away that these Attorneys were serious – they meant business. They pointed out that we were married ANC without Accrual which mean that after divorce I would end up with nothing – unless Mike wanted to grant me a few thousand rands so I could find a flat and get started on my own again.

Funny, it was me who woke up and realised there was another side to Mike. It was a tough, hard ‘don’t push me any further’ side and in a strange way, I liked it. I begged him on my knees not to divorce me – that’s how bad it was – but it took months before he changed his mind and gave me a second chance.

When you’re confronted by Specialist Divorce and Family Law Attorneys you’d best be sure you know what you want because you don’t mess with these people. Mike and I are trying again to make it work and this time I am really working at it. Strange how you never know what you have until you face losing it.

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