Janine’s Story

So I had a few affairs – and I thought so what? Doesn't everybody these days?

In the beginning, he worked all the impossible hours so we could buy a house and start a family and I was patient, always there waiting for him to come home.  I couldn't understand why when he got home he didn't want to spend any time with me. All he wanted to do was relax, or eat and sleep, or plan some project or think about some forthcoming task. He even preferred watching TV or reading a book to spending time with me.

Did I ask for too much I wonder? I was cooped up in the house all day and when he got home from work, I wanted a life. I wanted to get out and eat out; visit and party. All he could think about was the kids? Will it be safe to leave them with a sitter? He wanted comfortable and romantic evenings at home – boring! I wanted fun, life, noise, adventure, and attention – well what's wrong with that? Everybody parties - they just don't talk about it.

My solution arrived in the form on an affair – my first. I met him at the shops near the school where I dropped my kids in the mornings. The three kids were growing; the eldest almost ten: they were a headache and a handful. This man made life more bearable. I endured everything else because I could look forward to being with him. He was a Sales Rep and could spend time with me during the day when the kids were at school and the hubby at work.

He lavished attention on me and I enjoyed myself in the first six months until he got ill with his appendix. During that week while he was in hospital and recovering, I found out he was married and his wife found out about us. Suddenly we were over and, in a way, I wasn’t sorry.

My second affair began a month or so after that – this one I met at a friend’s place of work when I visited her one morning. He was different and playful and turned the affair thing into one big exciting adventure. I got caught up in a whirl of secret assignations and never gave a second thought to the rightness of it. The kids were asking awkward questions from time to time, and they got in the way of my extra marital activities when one of them was sick, and when they were home in school holidays; but I was more than a match for them. Finally I was having fun!

It was a few years on and I was into my fourth affair when my world came to a halt. I got served by the Sheriff with a Summons for divorce. My husband and I barely talked anymore but this time when we did, it was because he wanted to talk to me and no longer the other way around. I must admit he had tried quite hard recently to have a serious conversation with me but I was so cross with him that I just walked out of the room without a word.

Being served – as they call it – brought me back to reality with a jolt. When we got married I’d insisted on an Ante Nuptial Contract – without accrual - because I had a little money and a car and I thought I needed to protect myself. Now, things had changed and I was in a very bad position financially. I told him he couldn’t do this. I said it was his fault that I’d had the affairs. He said I hadn’t tried hard enough and hadn’t supported him when he most needed it. He’d gone up the corporate ladder in a hurry and these days he was getting a really good salary, had a car people envied, and could afford a very comfortable lifestyle. I realised that if he divorced me now, I would get next to nothing.

No matter how much I wheedled and tried to charm him, he said it was all too little too late.  I panicked and tried to blackmail him with the kids. I told him he’d never see his kids again if he continued with the divorce. He was resolved however. He stuck to his guns, continued with divorce proceedings and decided to keep the kids with him.

I phoned his Specialist Divorce Attorney, Martin Vermaak, to see if I could get them to make him stop the divorce. They advised me that they couldn’t act for both of us and they said I should get my own Attorney. Financially strapped, I couldn’t afford a Divorce Lawyer. I found a Conveyancing Attorney who did the occasional divorce and settled for him.

My husband said I was an unfit mother. He requested the Court to grant him Primary Residence of our three children – and his request was granted. My Attorney was powerless against these Specialist Attorneys and it looked as though I was about to be put out on the street with nothing.

Then, out of the blue, Martin Vermaak requested what they call a round table meeting. That meant that we would all meet – my husband and me and our respective Attorneys. They then said that my husband wanted to be fair to me and was offering me what sounded like three years rehabilitative maintenance of quite a good monthly amount. It would definitely be enough for me to get some training so I could get a job and find my feet in the business world.

If it hadn’t been for Martin Vermaak’s recommendation, I think I would have been left penniless, and I’m grateful for that. Even my ex husband also said he actually felt a lot less guilty because through following the Attorney’s advice he had at least given me a chance at a fresh start. Getting a Specialist Divorce Attorney certainly makes a difference to the outcome of a divorce and it affects the rest of your life. If I had known that then, I would have borrowed money to afford a clever Divorce Lawyer.

Looking back, it all boiled down to the fact that I had to grow up and stop feeling sorry for myself. Working now and renting a garden cottage, I’m saving up like mad for a place of my own. My life is comfortable enough but could never be compared to the other life I had and threw away. Strangely enough, there aren’t any boyfriends anymore and I really don’t miss them. One day I’ll meet someone, but I don’t think I’m quite ready yet.

I’ve thought about it a lot since then. I can’t remember why I was so cross with my ex husband, or the kids. It’s easy to be self righteous and tell yourself you had good cause, but at the end of a long cold day, when you’re sitting alone watching the age of forty rushing towards you, a blanket and a few memories aren’t enough to make you warm.