THYS’S STORY

First, I must say that some wives deliberately brainwash their husbands into believing that the women have all the rights. I had one of those wives. She did such a number of my brain that I’m angry at myself for how gullible I was. My divorce has meant salvation for my daughter and me.

When she married me I couldn’t believe my luck – she was gorgeous and I was just an ordinary hard working guy. I danced circles around her – anything she wanted. She was very popular with all my friends and although my parents were iffy, I married her anyway before she changed her mind. She didn’t like visiting my folks - life on the farm didn’t agree with her; so we stayed mostly in the city to keep her happy. She quit her job ‘to adjust to married life’ and I decided that was natural because she wanted to please me.

She became pregnant and I was overjoyed when our daughter was born.  I worked twice as hard to provide. She was cross with me and the baby because we’d ruined her figure. She withdrew into herself – didn’t cook, didn’t keep house and didn’t look after our daughter: but she’d never adjusted to that kind of thing anyway. I decided it was now a post natal thing - I think they call it baby blues - and did everything myself.

This kind of juggling was really hard on me. After work I came home and cooked and cleaned and looked after our daughter and listened to my wife’s hardships. Of course, I spent too much time with my daughter – as my wife pointed out – and not enough time with her. But our daughter was such a beautiful blessing and my wife still didn’t want anything to do with me. Give it time I kept thinking.

She got her figure back, but had no interest in me, our daughter, the house or getting a job; and too much interest in my friends and clothes and herself. She had terrible mood swings – screamed at me and laughed in my face then tempted me and became a little girl. It was like living with two people – one was aggressive and one was depressed but neither was pleasant. I thought about divorce but really I just wanted my wife back.

I came home early one day to talk to her and I suppose you can figure out the rest. She was in bed with another man. They were far too busy to notice me and I was so shocked I just leaned against the open bedroom door watching her do things with him she would never do with me. Like a deer caught in the headlamps of an oncoming car, my shock froze me into inertia and voyeurism whilst I took in all the other things I should have figured out – there were lines of cocaine on the dressing table. A few sex toys and see through lingerie with ribbons and provocative lace were on the bed and his underwear was on the floor. It was like walking into my idea of a whorehouse. I walked across to the bathroom and threw up. This big dude jumped out of bed and I thought I was going to have trouble with him but he was too high and I was too nauseous. I spoke to her about divorce but she laughed and said I’d never see my daughter again. The following week I caught her again with another man.

Again I threatened divorce, but she took great pains to demonstrate to me that if I ever tried to divorce her she would disappear with my little daughter. She said the Courts would never grant me custody because it was a little girl. She even said the Courts would never grant me access for the same reason. Fool that I was, I believed her. So we stayed together playing happy families with our sick little secret between us.

I couldn’t talk to my parents because they’d never liked her and would blame me for marrying her – besides, our family didn’t believe in divorce. I couldn’t talk to my friends because they liked her too much to believe me. Then my friends were no longer my friends because I couldn’t trust the men and thought the women were laughing at me. I sentenced myself to a life of hard labour and solitary confinement. I was in prison and in hell and the only reason for all of this was my wonderful, precious daughter. She was worth it all.

Depressed and surfing the net one day I started reading the stories on a Specialist Divorce and Family Law Attorneys website – Martin Vermaak Attorneys. I phoned and made an appointment just to see what they could tell me about my situation. I was beyond caring – I couldn’t go on.

Imagine my utter surprise when I was told that not only was my wife wrong, wrong, wrong about the access aspect. I was amazed when they told me she was also wrong about custody (primary residence). When Martin Vermaak Attorneys said I had a really good shot at getting custody of my daughter I excused myself in the middle of that consultation to go to their bathroom to weep. I cried for the fool I’d been and with relief that it was all over.

Today my daughter and I live happily together and I am a proud and indulgent father. We go often to the farm to visit my parents because my daughter just loves the animals and the freedom of that kind of life. She’s at school now and making friends of her own and I also am rebuilding my life. My new friends try a little matchmaking sometimes but with no success because I’m just not interested – maybe one day – but for now my daughter is the light of my life.

I’ve learned that divorce is not the final step – it’s the first step to the rest of your life.

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