Vuyo's Story

I’ve been afraid to write my story in case someone laughs. I know the Client’s names are never revealed but you feel sort of self conscience just letting it all hang out there. It sounds silly now. I actually wrote my story ages ago because I didn’t want others to suffer like me. Strange then that when I did have the chance to help

a buddy, I hung on to my story and remained silent until his life was falling apart and almost beyond saving.

Being a well known businessman who started with nothing and worked his way up the hard way, I was very conscious of image and other people’s opinions. Gossip is a terrible thing and I couldn’t afford to be surrounded by any of that. Pride, of course, is even worse but that was my problem. My guilty secret had to be protected at all costs I thought. Yet when my buddy’s marriage fell apart and I watched things going badly wrong, I discovered what my true priorities really were.

By talking to my friend and sharing my story with him not only was I able to help him but, I also helped myself face up to what was really happening in my own life and do something about it. This is my story:

My wife and I have been on again off again for years. In the beginning we just fought and made up and I have to say, it did have its upside. After a while though, the fighting became worse and more intense. One night, after we’d drunk a few glasses of wine – well a bottle or so – she lashed out and clawed my face. She hurt my eye and for a while I couldn’t see. I smacked her to stop her because she wasn’t listening to reason. One thing led to another you can image.

Next thing I knew, she’d gone to Attorneys and I was served with a Protection Order – me! She’d done the damage. I was shattered that she would do such a thing. So, I sought the help of Attorneys – Specialist Divorce Lawyers and got a Protection Order against her.

We were both sore at each other for a while but neither of us wanted to give up on our marriage so eventually we sorted things out and went on as a married couple. Of course several months down the road the same thing happened again. Just one little thing triggered it and suddenly the marriage had ended again and we again sought Attorneys.

Both of us are business people and well known in our respective business and social circles. The nightmare was getting worse. My wife chose other Attorneys because she was too embarrassed to return to her original Lawyers. I thought about that for a while but in the end I returned to Martin Vermaak Attorneys’ team of Specialist Divorce and Family Law Lawyers – after all they are experts and that makes a big difference. Also, I liked the professional businesslike manner they adopted with me. They were neither personal nor judgemental; it was just business as usual for them and I felt comfortable with that.

Several weeks later, my wife and I gave up on divorce and tried to repair the damage to our marriage. My Attorneys wished me success with my reconciliation. I know they actually meant it and that made me feel really good! After a few months of trying I began to think there was only one of us in this marriage and I told her so. Maybe my timing was off, maybe I could have been more subtle but the upshot is we ended up in a boxing match.

My third return to Martin Vermaak Attorneys was greeted with a professionally warm welcome – nothing familiar and no criticisms. My wife had found yet another firm of Lawyers to instruct. You’re going to laugh at this but, we were one month into the divorce and doing well when one day I looked at the smiling face of my very young daughter and suddenly, I hit the brakes again; I couldn’t go through with the divorce.

The wife and I went into the familiar reconciliation mode we’d adopted so very many times before. After another few months of this pantomime I realised that sometimes love just isn’t enough. In addition to love I think you really have to like and respect the other person and I felt none of that for my wife. I had that sinking feeling and knew that this had to be the last time but I still hesitated.

Round about then two things happened that had impact on my decision making.

First, my wife and I got into a return match and there was also serious verbal and emotional abuse. Threats were made, promises were broken, and tempers and trust were lost.

Second, my buddy of more than ten years had discovered almost a year ago that his wife was having an affair, and he was going through a similar situation to my own. They were also on a marriage merry-go-round. She promised to be true, he believed her, she cheated on him and he went to Attorneys and started proceedings against her and then she promised to be true… well, you get the picture.

Problem is, when I finally sat down to really listen to him I began to understand something quite profound.

Every time he and his wife split, he was embarrassed and sought the help of different Attorneys rather than returning to the original Law Firm as I had done. Unfortunately, in his attempt to keep everything low profile, he was instructing Attorneys who were not even handling divorces on a regular basis.

During our talk I came down a bit hard on him and told him to make sure he was serious about divorce this time. That’s when I realised what a hypocrite I was being. We laughed about that but it wasn’t funny. Before the end of the week my buddy had returned to his original Attorneys with whom he felt comfortable and I returned to Martin Vermaak Attorneys. These guys know my whole story; they already have all the facts. They also have endless patience and I have faith in them – they never gave up on me, even when I gave up on myself.

There are morals to this story of mine: finish what you start; get expert help; stay with the people who are effective – you know it makes the best sense!

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