Avoid Conflict

To say that divorce is disagreeable to our systems is putting it mildly. So, it doesn’t take an expert to tell us that divorce is stressful. We already know that no matter how amicable the partners agree to be on the way in – the fact is that they invariably encounter conflict with each other due to the distress of the situation.

Divorce is a powerful negative in our lives and, as such, is capable of producing confusion, grief, anxiety, insecurity, paranoia – and many other harmful emotions, Therefore, those persons who do not manage these feelings well – does anybody? – usually find themselves trapped in angry clashes and battles over even the simplest of things over which there should be no contest.

If you can find a way to reduce the conflict you will have an easier transition into single life or life without your ex spouse. If there are children involved, spouses with children can also help their children to accept the situation and decrease their children’s stress levels by handling the conflict constructively and openly establishing a sense of co-operation.

There are a number of constructive steps you can take to accomplish this:

Counselling Sessions

Many people find that by attending divorce counselling sessions they can achieve a sense of closure and subsequently go on to create a structure for communication in the future. Couples find that they are able to process their anger and grief about the end of their marriage and reach an understanding. They have discovered that working through their anger and resentment allows them to find peace and enables them to co-operate with their ex spouse.

Mediation

Have a Mediator structure the divorce negotiations. There are many alternatives available as to how a divorce is negotiated and processed through the Courts. Mediation is just one of those options. It can promote a sense of communication and thus assist with the reaching of agreements. This is in contrast to litigation in which the two parties protect their interests through their legal representation. If you choose to consult with a professional Mediator, it will give you an opportunity to find different methods of communication and hopefully allow you to arrive at negotiations that will lead to a deeper level of co-operation.

Collaboration

There are professionals – marriage and family therapists – offering collaborative coaching for divorcing couples. They will help you to make the various decisions that must be made at the end of a marriage – such as the sharing of property or primary residence for the children – that require co-operative discussions between the divorcing parties.

Such a collaborative process could also include child specialists who would provide valuable input as to the needs and concerns of the children involved in the divorce. Further, financial professionals could also hold meetings to advise couples on the fair division of assets. It is in this collaboration that professionals focus on establishing a fair and peacefully negotiated outcome.

Moving Forward

Experts advise us that the simple acceptance that the marriage relationship has ended is the key to coping with your divorce and moving on into your future constructively. If you can confront your negative emotions and accept the end of the marriage, then you can redirect your energies in new and definitely more positive directions.

The Denial stage of the divorce means that particular spouse is still putting a lot of energy (this time negative energy) into the ending relationship. It would be far better and more productive for that spouse to re-channel their energies into self-care, future goals, rebuilding and renewing friendships and making new associations - and parenting where appropriate.

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