That divorce usually creates strong and bitter emotions between the divorcing couple is a given. Conflict is rife, confrontations flare up and the stress factor goes sky high. It is imperative for divorcing parties to understand that strong and quickly changing emotions are a part of the process and that each individual should be responsible for their own emotions and the control thereof. If each party concerned can keep in check and process their own feelings then they are caring for their own emotional and physical health. Unfortunately this is not usually the case; tempers are lost together with reason and innocent others are blamed.

Clinical Psychologist/Therapist

Clinical Psychologists/Therapists are highly qualified and experienced professionals who are used to dealing with high-conflict divorces. As the management and processing of strong personal emotions is often the key to successful conflict resolution in a divorce, it is wise to seek professional assistance. With some individual counselling, each separate divorcing spouse can work through their conflicting and overwhelming emotions. Further, visiting a therapist is an outlet for frustration and anger so it limits the unnecessary conflict with an ex spouse and helps the divorced parties to deal with the other more important matters.

Divorce Mediator

Professional Mediators are trained and experienced in assisting divorcing spouses to collaborate through the process of reaching as beneficial solution as possible. They understand conflict management and can be of great value if the divorcing spouses cannot keep their negative emotions in check.

So if you find yourselves continually fighting then use a professional mediator to settle the divorce. It is a fact that mediated divorces can often reduce the conflict between the ex spouses.

Accept the End of the Marriage

The marriage has ended and the divorcing spouses are responsible for completing the closing down process and making it legal. Why then put so much more energy into it than they did before? Divorcing or ex spouses should let the past be past. A high volume of conflict between the ex partners comes from the urge to re-engage with the other one; to provoke the other into reacting: and could mean that things are not yet over between them.

It is essential that each one of the divorcing or ex spouses realises that the answer is to walk away from the conflict; to resist the urge to re-engage; to put more energy into their own new and separate lives. This would not only be a wise move on their parts but also it would suggest that they have begun the healing process. It is time to accept that no amount of contact or conflict can possibly change the nature of the relationship for the better nor will it lead to a resolution. It’s time to let go and move on.

Don’t Talk About Your Ex Spouse

Don’t talk about your Ex unless you absolutely have to and then keep it brief and to the point. Don’t criticise, complain or insult your Ex behind their backs and in front of anyone: certainly not your children or family or mutual friends. Don’t even insist on hanging on to the past by keeping the same group of friends but rather develop some independent friendships.

If you find yourself particularly angry about your Ex for some reason or other, then get help or stay away from your Ex until you’ve worked through the anger or it will negatively impact on your shared relationship.

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