There is no doubt that a divorce will impact on your children. What divorcing parents should be concerned with is the degree of damage it will cause, because they can actually do a lot to control the stress.

It is essential that in order to ensure the well-being of your children after a divorce, you must do everything possible to provide stability and encourage them to have a close relationship with both parents.

This means that both parents must find a way of co-parenting in such a manner so as not to place their children in the middle of the conflict. Instead, they must focus on their children’s needs. That is not suggesting that the children should be spoiled by giving them their own way or buying them gifts – but rather attending to their basic healthy living requirements and spending time with them. The divorcing parents need to co-operate and communicate with each other and this helps to ease the stress of household transitions.

Here are some easy stages you might like to consider:

Parenting Plan

Put together a Parenting Plan. This is an arrangement made between the divorcing parents which outlines the roles and responsibilities that each parent will undertake after their divorce. When parents collaborate together to formulate this plan, they should set down what decisions need to be made regarding their children and how to make these choices.

The parents should agree on how and when they will meet and communicate regarding these most important decisions. They must also determine how they will handle the primary residence/contact schedules, childcare, discipline and how to notify each other in the case of any emergencies. Co-operation with each other is essential over these and other important matters such as household rules, school attendance, behaviour with other children, moral and health considerations.

Co-operate With Your Ex

It is vital that divorced parents co-operate with each other. This is not an easy thing to do as there is invariably a good deal of anger and pain between them. However, to co-operate, calm their emotions, and to be seen to be co-operating by the children is vital to successful parenting and easing the stress that the children experience.

Respect is another important aspect of this awkward situation. For divorced parents to show and treat each other with respect will go a long way to ensuring that the children are not used as pawns and not caught in the crossfire of their disputes. This means that the parents cannot be derogatory or insult each other. Your children and their state of mind are far more important matters that your need for revenge or spite.

If each parent can commit to maintain their arrangements in the Parenting Plan, and to notifying each other well in advance of any necessary changes, it will go a long way to creating a harmonious situation for their children. The parents must also agree to communicate their concerns with each other at a time when the children cannot hear or sense any conflict.

Communicate Effectively

Effective parenting means effective communication between the divorced parents. It is a good idea to keep the communication to a businesslike manner so that emotions are not present in the verbal interaction. Parents should listen carefully to each other, they should show restraint to prevent themselves from overreacting when buttons are pushed, and keep the conversation focused on their children. Such conversations are more likely to be successful and create a more harmonious interchange between the parents which in turn should make the parent together a much easier task. They should ask each other for their opinions and even apologise when necessary – it will assist them to relax and be more effective in their parenting.

Set Aside Hurt Feelings

To set aside your hurt feelings and to agree to parent together isn’t an easy task. However, if both parents strive towards this and co-operate with their ex, parenting will be easier and the children will benefit tremendously. The children need two loving parents, and parenting should be all about your children – their happiness, stability and well being – nothing else. Parents absolutely must not let their hurt feelings influence their children and their children’s opinions of the other parent. If one or both of the children’s parents feel the need to vent their depressed emotions and express their negative feelings, they should find themselves a therapist.

Children Between Two Households

It can be a nightmare for some children of divorced parents to move between households. Remember that each transition requires your children to say goodbye to one of their parents. Parents should try to make it easier on their children by planning for them. During this transitional period your children can become extremely pre-occupied and forgetful. Help them pack their bags so they don’t forget anything. Remind them of forthcoming movements and always personally drop your children off on these transition days so that they don’t feel like they are being taken away from the other parent.

Copyright © mydivorcediy.com 2011 All rights reserved