Are You Good At Jigsaw Puzzles?

Putting your life back together again after divorce, must be similar to doing a jigsaw puzzle.

Make a start and just do the easy bits first. Once you’ve gotten started and dealt with a few pieces, the answers to some other things appear. Things that seemed impossible at first, can be dealt with step by step. Another of the many reasons why you need a good listener is that sometimes you might have to talk about some parts of the process up to fifty times before the solution dawns on you – but it will.

As you work more of the trauma out of your system, the rest of the puzzle will not seem so daunting and you’ll be getting the bigger picture now. Things will become easier for you to deal with and you’ll be able to process them faster. Finally, you’ll find that you want the process to speed up and be done with. You’ll know you’ve turned that all important corner when you get there because what you were hanging on to for grim death is what you can’t wait to finish with now.

Same Time Each Week

Set aside a specific time each week to get together with your Security Blanket Friend or Support Group. You are there for a purpose - so don’t revel in it. It’s not a social club per se – it’s a healing principle we’re focusing on so that you can express yourself with people who understand. Hopefully either your friend or some people in the group will be a little ahead of you in their experience – you will find this even more helpful. It’s a good thing to have the arrangement that you can make contact with them day or night – all part of the safety blanket syndrome.

What’s being advocated here is not dwelling on the past but dealing with it and moving on.

Refer To Your Former Spouse As Your Ex

In company, or your mind, if you have to refer to your former spouse, learn to refer to them as your Ex. It means that as far as you’re concerned, your former spouse in the past. Who knows - you could be single for a very long time because you choose it that way for yourself instead of being re-married.

You Are Now Single

Accept the fact that you are now single. Learn to refer to yourself as single. Consider yourself to be single instead of divorced. The reason for this is that you need to see yourself as starting out again and getting on with a new life and new adventures. Not divorced or between marriages.

Being single doesn’t mean you’re a second class citizen. It doesn’t mean you’re been rejected or found to be sub-standard. Besides, single is becoming quite the ‘in’ thing in life for many reasons. So, embrace being single – at least for a while until you get the hang of it – and then see whether or not you enjoy it.

Free the Slave Within You

Somebody said that ‘when Abraham Lincoln freed the slaves they were not all overjoyed’. It seems that many of them wanted to go back to being slaves because it was all they knew and all they felt comfortable with. They wanted somebody to look after them and worry about their survival. They didn’t know how to be free or independent.

There is such a similarity here that it isn’t funny. Some people would rather be a slave to a bad marriage than freed into society to live their own lives – because they think they won’t make it.

Marriage starts out well and gets worse but single life starts out poorly and then gets better. Just remember that we humans always dislike change just on principle alone. After all, you are always in control.

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