Happiness Isn’t:

• a bus, train or phone call - so don’t wait for it

• given to you by other people; it’s a DIY thing – just practise

• a special treat you can have only sometimes - so stop trying to earn it

• something you need to ask permission for – it’s an everyday thing – start smiling. . .

Lead a Happy Life

Many of us labour under the erroneous assumption that we need someone else or something to make us happy. That’s a mistake. You can’t depend on others or situations to bring happiness to you. If you do that, you’ll start resenting those people upon whom you thought your contentment depended. Also, you’ll start avoiding having a social life.

You should make happiness your goal and lock that into your subconscious. Once you’ve done that, the new dress, car, the holiday, or whatever you hoped might bring joy to you but you couldn’t afford – can wait. Happiness is there for everyone and it’s free.  So don’t wait for happiness to come to you. Don’t rely on others for it. Find it within yourself. You’ll need to practise, of course, but you can reach that goal with ease if you try.

Please Yourself - Stop Trying to Please Everyone Else

Stop looking for self validation in the act of trying to please everyone else. You grew up doing that: pleasing your parents, schoolteachers and boyfriend; and then the boss, your spouse, and in-laws: and even your children.

Now, all you have to do is to please yourself and yet you’re unhappy. Stop needing someone to please. Certainly don’t make the mistake of settling down to a lifetime of pleasing your children because they’ll take advantage of the situation and learn the wrong lesson as a result.

Decide to Live for Yourself First

Over the years we become brainwashed into believing that just pleasing oneself is a sin or at least, selfish. This happens to the point where we actually start to feel guilty if we do things for ourselves that make us feel happy. Because the guilt takes the pleasure away, we try not to do the self thing too often. The message comes across loud and clear – sacrifice yourself and your worldly things and receive your reward later – much later. A lot of misery and suffering seems to surround this multi layered subject. Whatever you do – just decide not to subscribe to any dogma where it results in you not being able to enjoy your life fully.

Happiness Delayed

When you were a child, you thought you’d be happy when you got into big school. When you got into big school you thought you’d be happy when you got into high school. From high school you decided happiness would arrive when you got a boyfriend. From the boyfriend and moving on, you decided you’d be happy when you got your driver’s licence. Eventually you thought happiness would arrive in the form of a spouse. The next stage on the happiness route was when you got children. Now you’re divorced and still wondering which stage you should be looking towards to find happiness.

Double or Nothing

Some people feel so rejected after a divorce that they’re still unhappy when they’re single again. They decide the reason for their misery is because they’re involved with all the wrong people. Their instant solution to that is to look for someone really special and get married to them. Others just can’t bear their own company. To them, being alone is a terrible punishment – even worse than getting married again and risking further unhappiness. So they all get re-married and discover that pinning your expectations on someone else to make you happy is a big mistake.

So you got married again and you're still not happy. It must have been the wrong one again. So you get divorced and single is not happy again so you find someone else and then you'll be happy.

Two Minus One Can Equals Bliss

It’s only when you can be happy with yourself that you can be truly happy together with a partner. Stop doubting yourself; don’t think of yourself as incomplete. Stop looking for someone else with whom to share that beautiful piece of music, painting or sunset. When you can start to enjoy these moments alone then you’re on the right road to finding real happiness. Remember, if you don’t like yourself – who else will? So start off by becoming your own best friend and move on from there.

One Day at a Time

It is essential to take responsibility for your own life and your own happiness. When you rely on someone else to do this for you and they rely on you to do that for them then things break down. Expectations are never lived up to and communications are unreliable owing to the need to please.

The difficulty here is that because you’ve spent so long pleasing other people, you don’t know what brings you joy. Spend time and make those decisions gradually. As each situation arises, ask yourself what you would like to do, and in time you’ll get the hang of it.

Make it easy on yourself and enjoy each day. You’ll soon find something in every day that makes you happy. Take it one day at a time at first and eventually you’ll get your balance and start making plans for a more successful and happier future.

Your Happiness Is From Within – Not Without